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The Hoeflinger Podcast
Welcome to the The Hoeflinger Podcast, where Dr. Brian Hoeflinger and Kevin Hoeflinger delve into riveting discussions about life as a neurosurgeon, the world of medicine, healthy living, fitness, and anything else that piques their curiosity. Dr. Brian Hoeflinger, MD, brings his extensive 24 years of experience as a full-time neurosurgeon to educate and inform. Get ready for engaging conversations that will broaden your understanding of the medical realm and beyond!
The Hoeflinger Podcast
#19: Hayden Grady: Conquering College & Parenthood
Hayden Grady is a 22 year old student at The University of Toledo working on his bachelor's in science on a pre-med track. Hayden shares his experience as a full time student and full time Dad, how he balances the two, and what has led to his success so far.
Tune in every week for new episodes of The Hoeflinger Podcast with Dr. Brian Hoeflinger and Kevin Hoeflinger.
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Hi everybody. We got a special guest today. It's going to be a really good podcast Hayden Grady. He's my future son-in-law, and how you doing today.
Speaker 2:I'm doing excellent.
Speaker 1:All right.
Speaker 3:How you doing, Kevin. I'm doing good today and for those who don't know, this is also Archer, aka Archie's dad, if you ever see any of the social media videos. But happy to have you here. It's long awaited, yeah.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, well, I had that little appearance. Oh yeah, yes, you did.
Speaker 3:Yes, so Hayden currently is in his second semester at the University of Toledo, correct?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And so what we're going to get into today. You know how old are you? 21 or 22?, 22. 22. And you're in school with aspirations to become a doctor in the future and you have a son who's a little bit over one years old. So we're going to get into all that kind of how you got there and just other tips maybe for people you know you're very busy with stuff and how to stay organized on track and especially, I think, the with college figuring out everything, the path to becoming, getting into med school and then one step at a time, yeah, and just about even like you know, for those of you in high school, I mean, you know Hayden's a good example of somebody who has now started college.
Speaker 1:It's a whole new aspect of his life and I'm just interested to hear how you like, how your first two semesters have gone, and I know you've been studying a lot. You're nailing it on grades, it sounds like, and I think people would like to know how you're doing that. You know making Dean's List and maybe about how you chose what you think you want to go into and how are you going about in college? Are you talking to a counselor? Did you do it on your own or you know just stuff like that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so we'll, we'll dive into all that, but let's, let's first start with going back a little bit. So you know, grade school, high school. How was school for you? Growing up in high school, Would you say.
Speaker 2:Honestly, I was like not the exemplary student I. I I really love science. I always have. I remember this thing like having a science teacher in middle school that really like put up with me being the class clown that I was and and didn't like hold it against me, Like and that really helped me and and he kind of fostered that interest. So yeah, overall I don't I don't remember doing any homework over like from second to probably 10th or 11th grade, just remembering what I heard in class and just doing well enough on tests to I didn't have bad grades. I just I didn't do anything extra outside of school.
Speaker 3:Yeah, a big, you just kind of got through. You got through stuff kind of not too bad not too sad so you can't remember doing any homework.
Speaker 2:No, no, I mean like very little, very little.
Speaker 3:But okay, so and then. But that's, that's true, I mean.
Speaker 1:No, I'm joking around. Yeah, I was just.
Speaker 3:How stuff stuff are. And, like you said, I think a good point is one everyone can remember that teacher or two from when you were growing up that had a outside of impact on you, like you were describing. So that's cool to hear. And so what happened in high school and beyond high school?
Speaker 2:So high school was pretty like middle of the road. I have a. I'm a non-traditional student, so I've worked for the past couple of years and kind of just doing odd jobs here and there, and I've done some jobs that were okay, but nothing that truly interested me or or I had a passion for there's more, so to just like get by yeah it's not like a long-term career you were thinking about?
Speaker 2:I mean I did a couple of things that for as far as like the median income goes, like it was, it was pretty good money for the average American, but it's not. That wasn't enough to keep me interested. Like to me, playing like one of the jobs that I have done I still do part time here and there is estimating for an asphalt company it's my family's asphalt company but to me, like sitting behind a desk all day is not, is not something I can see myself being like excited to do.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so what? What drew you to medicine? Do you think are wanting to do medicine longer term?
Speaker 2:Well, I think that there's it's. It's a glorified media for sure. So that's just something like the average kid. You ask, you know they, they have the, you know you. You have the feel it's like, oh, I want to be a firefighter, I want to be a doctor, like these things, are these careers that are propped up? And then, the more and more that I have really gone into, like my science classes, medicine's always been an interest of mine, but I, I think now more than ever, I have like an example in my life where it's it seems more real than the picture that I had growing up, because the picture I had growing up was like I didn't know any doctors personally.
Speaker 3:the only time I ever interacted with doctors was like my pediatrician as a kid, and that was what, once every six months you only got to see it through being a patient for the most part, or what you see in pop culture, such as in movies or TV shows, I mean, is there anything personal in your family or life that drew you to anything specific?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean anything in your family that's happened or so my family has a pretty long history of cancers on both sides. But something that was specifically drew my interest was my. My aunt had pancreatic cancer and the last I want to say like month of her life was it was all pal of care, but it really kind of opened my eyes to like how much you know impact somebody that's giving you care has. You know, just being able to give somebody a treatment plan, and that sort of crisis is particularly interesting to me yeah so those?
Speaker 3:that's a bit about why you wanted to get into medicine. So after you realize that is something you wanted to do, go. Let's actually get like some tactical of someone who might be thinking about is it, should I go back to college or I'm thinking about going to college or going down that path? What step did you go through to get it applied to UT or the University of Toledo, our local college? Getting in, getting classes set up, figuring out the path you need to take as we talk all those, what were the steps to doing that?
Speaker 2:well, first of all, I had a lot of help from Christie, but I think initially is my daughter initially really was just the decision itself, right like I'm going to do this and putting one foot in front of the other. So there's a lot of resource out there on mine and they really make it easy, especially colleges colleges once you enroll and it's more money for them. So you know they're they're gonna make it an easy, step-by-step thing. There's there's lots of videos that you can watch and so I had more difficult time, like getting my medical records together, like vaccinations oh man stuff like that okay and and were there a lot of.
Speaker 1:It's been so long since I went to college a lot of written applications or was it online stuff or any interviews that you had to do is no interviews? No, it was a personal statement. You got to do a personal statement for college, no online.
Speaker 2:So it's this online application yeah, send in your transcripts and you get a decision so when it came.
Speaker 3:So now, once you got accepted and you were enrolled, going getting so you know you wanted to eventually get into med school become a doctor. What was your plan on course of action for the semester, setting up the classes you need to take so you're meeting your electives and every your other requirements in order to get there? Like kind of work do you work backwards or how did you come up with that to me with counselor?
Speaker 2:so yeah, luckily they. They make it a really easy process, especially if you tell them up front what you want to do. So when I applied, I had already declared a major. I knew that a biology major meets like almost all, if not all of the pre-rex for medical school. And then I listed under a pre-medical track and the counselor that was, or the academic advisor that was given my and that I was given, was put together a plan and I just followed it you know I get asked a fair amount just on social media, but you would know the answer better.
Speaker 1:So a lot people ask do I have to do a bachelor's science to go to medical school, like some people want to do a psychology major or maybe reading or something I'm? Do I mean what? What degrees? So you can do any major you want, as long as you hit the basic criteria right yeah, you can? I think a lot of people want to know that. Yeah, I.
Speaker 2:I've I've heard people majoring in like theology, but as long as you hit the pre-rex for medical school right okay you're able to apply. So I think it. If you're not gonna go and get a bachelor's science, I think that's the easier route because those courses are pretty much built into what you need to get your degree. You would have to work with an academic advisor to make sure you meet all the requirements before going into medical school or applying to medical school so um, so so far you've done well.
Speaker 1:I mean been on Dean's list twice right, well, straight.
Speaker 2:A's okay. Yeah, yeah, Straight A.
Speaker 1:So what's been any courses hard for you at all? Or tell us about your courses Like what's something of course been what's been tough? I know you mentioned college. Algebra was getting a little.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Since I'm a nontraditional student, I think math especially is just. It's more than just the refresher that they'll give you at the beginning of the course. So, I think that's been difficult for me because I'm just it's so far behind me. It feels like that not that I've lost the knowledge at all like I'll have moments throughout the week where I'm working on it and I'm like, oh, I remember this. Yeah, definitely that's been the toughest.
Speaker 3:Well, because math, math in the big way. Bill keeps in a lot of subjects. It builds and builds and builds upon it. So then, like you're saying, getting back into all of that takes time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and all the little rules that apply to certain things that don't apply to other math problems. Just like remembering those and everything else like. I love the science courses yeah.
Speaker 3:Do you know what level you have to take through for algebra or you have to take, or what's the highest math you have to take in medicine?
Speaker 2:Calculus yeah.
Speaker 3:So you have to take to the calculus, because that's what you did, right, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's usually three's right, so the calculus is calculus one, two and three, wasn't it? I'm surprised, and just like organic chemistry or organic chemistry, I'm surprised.
Speaker 3:Why do you think you have to take? I've always wondered that a bit in the back of my mind. Why does medicine need that much calc?
Speaker 1:I have no idea, but you have to realize too like having gone to medical school and now being a physician. You know, 90% of the stuff that I learned in college probably isn't applicable to what I do now. It's just not so. I mean, it's stuff that you learn but I don't know. Well, they have to start it.
Speaker 3:I mean, that's just like anything. You have to start a broad base of knowledge, right? And then, like, as you focus in medical school, is focusing in more and medical school a big part of it, right? Because I have a lot of friends in medical school right now and it's introducing you to a lot. You get the base things. The first couple of years.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe it teaches you how to think analytically or something. By doing stuff like that, I mean, obviously you're using your mind a lot through these courses, so maybe it's just about training your mind how to.
Speaker 3:The big thing is, though, all that comes together, it's kind of also. It shows that you can get through certain stuff. It's supposed to be difficult, because then it's very difficult when you have to go through residency and other stuff. So you need people that you know can get through. It's like a threshold test almost.
Speaker 2:It's like Christie's and Organic. Chemistry right now, and that's a weed out course.
Speaker 1:It's tough, I mean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't think.
Speaker 1:I mean you don't have to apply any of that, I mean you learn about atoms and all kind of different things like based on the periodic table, but I don't know if I use any of that anymore. I mean, it's just knowledge you have, but I don't know in the real world how, unless you're some type of Organic Chemistry.
Speaker 3:It depends, but you never know what things are going to be, yeah, how you're eventually using it.
Speaker 1:It's just the way life is now. But I mean, if somebody told me they didn't go to college and they're a neurosurgeon, I'd say, yeah, you could be, because what I need to know is medical school clinicals. You need a basic set of medical knowledge that comes in your first two years, and then you have clinicals where you learn how to interact with patients and families and doctors, and then neurosurgery you learn how to become a neurosurgeon in residency.
Speaker 3:So I don't I mean, but that's not like a great statement, because you can't get to the each next step before you have the previous steps. You can't just get into medical school without having that base of knowledge. You'd be missing so many things.
Speaker 1:Well, you may say that, but I don't agree with that totally. I mean, maybe college trains your mind how to think a certain way, how to look at things and analyze them and how to work through problems. Maybe that helps you then when you next level into medical school. But you have to realize a lot of what you learn in the first years of medical school is memorization too.
Speaker 3:You're memorizing diseases and just Well, for example, trying to jump it. You technically don't need everything from earlier math to do calc. It's right, you're building up a base. You're building up a base, yeah, so I so you can't. Really, it's kind of-.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying all or nothing, kevin, I'm just saying I bet you you could. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but it is tradition, it's the traditional way. I mean there are things that are becoming not as traditional. Now they have the jump programs. Are there? Like, in six years you can go through college and medical school? So you do three and three, right, and so that's cutting short college. Is that good or bad? I mean, I don't know, but-.
Speaker 3:But so I think, but a key thing is that, for that is how it is, though.
Speaker 1:Right, that's how it is.
Speaker 3:So it is how it is. So how have you been able to navigate, or what do you think are some key things? You've been doing? Well, you've been getting straight A's. What are some things that you think have been helping to lead to your success? You're also very busy You're raising a kid with Christie. What do you think has been key factors that have led to your success?
Speaker 2:I think it's more or less just doing it. I know that that sounds that's not super helpful, but yeah, I think for most days I don't get to get around to studying or doing classwork until seven, eight o'clock at night and you can be tired, whatever, but you've got to push through it.
Speaker 1:I mean that's called perseverance, yeah, you just, you have to keep going regardless.
Speaker 3:So a bit too, would you say, consistency.
Speaker 3:You're consistently doing that and again, it's building up over time. If you are putting in, you might not want to. You got to put in a couple hours tonight, couple hours tomorrow. I think that's a huge thing for my member in college If I know kids that you let stuff stack up for a while and then all of a sudden they try to learn everything the day before a test and that is much worse compared to breaking it down. All those days you don't feel like putting in a couple hours doing it then are, in a way, better position. You're not stressed either.
Speaker 2:I think, yeah, I think that that's what's been different about college and all the rest of school. That I've done is being early on things, just getting things done, because that's not how it was. And I wasn't able to enjoy any free time in other school because even though I wasn't doing the work, I was pushing it off and the anxiety of that was like man, I don't want to do it, but it's just, it's at the back of your mind.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think that's a huge thing. Is that anxiety or knowing in the back of your mind that you have to still do something, so you're pushing it off? But sometimes it's just like when you know there's something you need to get done, it's better just to do it right away, except not you're going to think about it all that time and it's going to take up mental space. Then you end up doing it and you're like, oh, that wasn't as bad as I thought and then you could have just not worried about that all the time.
Speaker 2:It's never as bad as you think.
Speaker 1:I mean, do you have any tips like, for there's got to be a lot of people who are married and maybe have children and are starting college or in college. Like what are some tips that you could offer people about just to get through classes and get home and take turns, taking care of the kids and actually having a social life and going out once a while, right, yeah?
Speaker 2:I think communication is key for sure. I'm very lucky Christy is a very organized person. So before we even started this semester she was like, oh, this is how our schedule was set up. She printed out a schedule, but I think definitely communicating your needs, like hey, I have a test coming up and I really cannot be that involved this week and it's all compromised. So, yeah, it may suck not having help for a couple of days, but in the end you guys are both pushing through. If that's your situation, that's our situation. It's worked out so far. I think having a social life it's difficult, right? I mean, for us there's not a lot of like-minded people, especially in the class that I'm taking a first year, but I'm 22. So it's a lot of people that are like 18, 19, fresh out of high school and then my priorities in life are a lot different than somebody that is 18 or 19 or doesn't have kids. I'm not saying that's a good or a bad thing, but it definitely limits who I would wanna be around.
Speaker 3:Because that's something I wanted to touch on too is it is way different. The majority of people that are maybe not the majority, but a lot of people you go straight from high school into college. So there's younger people, like you said, with different priorities. I think a lot of people are always worried too. One is too late to go to college, or am I gonna stand out? Even you, three years older than the average person, but you're not too far off. There's some people who are 30 or 40. Do you think it matters or what are your thoughts on that? No.
Speaker 2:I don't think it matters. I think in my own head I stick out more than I actually do. But I sat next to somebody in my biology class last semester that was over the age of 30 and she had like four kids, I think for three or four, and that was her situation. Everybody's situation is different. I don't think anybody is ever too old for college. You're gonna be as old as you're gonna be in four years. Whether you decide to go to college or not, or pursue a higher education you know, master's degree or whatever you're putting off or deciding whether you wanna do. So I'd say go for it. If it's something that's possible, if you are able to stay stable during that process, if you have the support around you, I wouldn't think twice about it. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I think that's a great phrase. People will say you know you're gonna be, the time's gonna pass one way or another. You might as well do the thing you wanna do. So whether that's going to college, taking a new course, doing this, doing that, you might as well get it done. Then you're gonna look back and be happy you did for the most part.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember talking to when I moved out here. I'd met a guy and I ended up working for him putting in commercial windows and when the thought of going to college like first came up and like seriously considering it, I talked to him about the path and he told me you know it may be a 15, 17 year path, but you know you could be here putting in windows 17 years later kicking yourself for not doing it. So why not? That's a good point.
Speaker 3:I think it's Jeff Bezos before he started the Amazon. It's the regret minimization framework where he always thought, like what when I'm older, when I look back, what will I regret the least? So, just like you're saying you're gonna regret it a lot less if you went out and tried or did, and you look back and you know you did that, versus if you sit there and just stay in your comfort zone your entire life, you might look back when you're older and just say, what if? What if? What if I did this, what if?
Speaker 1:So I think it's almost always better to just take action and I think it seems daunting, but I know time goes fast, like when I first started out in college. I just wanted to be a neurosurgeon. It just goes by, you know, I mean residency was a blink of an eye, I thought it would, seven years would never go by, and then it did. So I think, if that mindset, you know, life's gonna move on and it's gonna go by and try to enjoy it and make the best of it. So if you're gonna do it, you might as well try hard and be successful at it.
Speaker 3:You know, and I think when you were becoming a neurosurgeon, that's a very long path, but you're not thinking about like 10, 15 years at once, you're just taking it one day at a time, I would imagine Right.
Speaker 1:You are, but you're always thinking of the endpoint you got. When there's days when you're just exhausted and you're given up, you know you have to think of what the endpoint is too right You're. Why kind of your, why so? But on a lighter topic what's it been like being a dad, first time dad?
Speaker 2:It's not anything like I expected.
Speaker 1:That's different, like what'd you expect and what's it been like.
Speaker 2:I think that I minimized it in my head a little bit because I had a lot of younger siblings and I was really involved and taking care of them as a kid myself. But definitely that those first couple months I underestimated the sleep deprivation. I remember like for probably two weeks straight I would work 12 to. I remember one of the days was like 15 hours. I worked for 15 hours. I came home and obviously Chrissy had been home with him all day so I was gonna take over and I took over for the night and he did not, you know, sleep more than an hour and a half, two hours at a time and that really accumulates that sleep that.
Speaker 2:I don't know if that's a real thing, but yeah, well, I think you definitely.
Speaker 3:Cognitive abilities are severely impaired in less sleep you have. So I think it's almost impossible to avoid talking to new parents. That's always a thing. That's why people always joke. If there's some productivity guru, it's always somebody who's like single or doesn't have kids, and they like to talk to me once you have a couple kids and you try to get work done. So, yeah, I think yeah, sleep definitely builds up on you. But do you think that was the hardest phase, those first couple months, or what?
Speaker 2:do you think? I think every phase has been difficult for its own reasons. We had a long period of time where we went to the doctors trying to figure out he had congestion and was coughing all the time and we just really couldn't get a solid answer. I don't think that that's any fault of the doctors that were working with him. I think it's just process of elimination at that point.
Speaker 2:he's so young he can't really speak to you about what his symptoms are other than what we can say that we notice. So that was difficult, just not getting a straight answer and trying a bunch of different things on him and eventually it just straightened out on its own, but that was difficult. And then we had a period of time where he was not okay with solid foods, was not wanting to try anything. That was difficult.
Speaker 3:And what are a few of the things you're most excited as Archer gets a little bit older or can do things such as talking, or if you teach him activities or I don't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I'm excited he's starting to talk a little bit Couple words here and there. No, is really big right now which is I'm not too stoked about, but I am excited for that, just kind of being able to pick his brain a little bit.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:This is gonna be cool.
Speaker 3:And he likes to make gibberish, like the tons of gibberish sounds too. He's got something, he knows, something's going on.
Speaker 1:He knows what he wants too. That's just that he can't tell you.
Speaker 3:He's in a good phase. Right now he's pretty happy.
Speaker 2:He's always been a happy kid. So that's yeah. Talking is definitely something I'm excited about, and I think I've gotten him up to play the piano a couple of times.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that was cute. He was sitting there getting the keys while you were playing.
Speaker 2:So I think it'll be cool when he is like fully aware of what's going on.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm excited for a couple more years and stuff Like as you can teach him like reading with him or like teaching him like a game like chess or something like that would be cool to see, or I don't know, it might be longer. I don't know the exact milestones, but you know as it's, but you know what I'm saying. Or like once you can like kick a soccer ball or you guys want him to play golf, and you know I'm saying like Like baseball.
Speaker 3:Yeah, different things like that. I think that's like a cool thing where you get to do with your kid.
Speaker 1:What did he think? You guys went to a University of Toledo basketball game the other day, or in the student section, right? Like how did he like it? How'd you guys like it too? That was your first college event, right?
Speaker 2:Yeah, sporting man, I liked it Well. I went to IU Women's Basketball.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean your college, University of Toledo.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so Archie liked it. I mean he was a little wriggly, but he loves clapping right now. So other people clapping around him yeah, it was great and he was doing.
Speaker 3:It's funny too, cause he can just like pass out in the Noisiest areas. You guys went to the Wies game too, which is a local hockey team, and that picture you set, he was just passed out in every.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:That's funny.
Speaker 2:And have horns and stuff going in the background and he's out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, were there a lot of people there in the student section.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was packed and there was, you know, people sitting very close.
Speaker 1:And do people wear their UT jerseys and stuff or not?
Speaker 2:Really, they came out in the beginning and had put like jerseys on certain seats.
Speaker 1:Oh, really, wow, certain sections that were reserved. I don't know how that works, but but I remember people wearing their youth University of Toledo shirts and stuff. Did you guys have?
Speaker 2:I, I don't know Wow.
Speaker 1:No, college enthusiasm. Well, aren't you having a nice? Aren't you having a nice?
Speaker 3:You didn't mention this, but my dad, that's where you went to undergrad too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's where I went University of Toledo.
Speaker 2:How do you think it's changed over the last? Oh my God.
Speaker 1:The campus is. We have a good. The University of Toledo is a gorgeous campus. You guys have probably never most of you have never been there but Look up a picture. Yeah it is really a very nice campus and very cool architecture and you know, over the years it's just exploded more buildings and dorms for students and it's one of those things. They just kept the architecture the same. They put in money as they built to make it look the way it should look, instead of doing things mish-mash. So I mean.
Speaker 3:Well, it's a lot bigger than when you went there. Now too, it's a huge commuter school. I think they've got like 20,000 undergrad but, like a lot of them are people who commute to it, so it is cool to see. But yeah, it looks really cool. I love that the University Hall or like the clock tower. If you're looking on from Baincroft, that's like really cool.
Speaker 1:It's an old university.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but it's exciting. So I mean you're in step, you're in phase one, right?
Speaker 2:now.
Speaker 3:Phase one at the very beginning. Phase one it's undergrad and then med school, but it'll be cool. We'll keep well we can do regular updates of how things are going. It'll be cool to look back at each phase.
Speaker 2:Hopefully it'll be. Oh, we yeah.
Speaker 3:You got to manifest it. Yeah, Visualize success.
Speaker 2:I can visualize right now.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so that's got the white code energy All right, but I hope everyone has a great day, yep.
Speaker 1:Have a nice night.
