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The Hoeflinger Podcast
Welcome to the The Hoeflinger Podcast, where Dr. Brian Hoeflinger and Kevin Hoeflinger delve into riveting discussions about life as a neurosurgeon, the world of medicine, healthy living, fitness, and anything else that piques their curiosity. Dr. Brian Hoeflinger, MD, brings his extensive 24 years of experience as a full-time neurosurgeon to educate and inform. Get ready for engaging conversations that will broaden your understanding of the medical realm and beyond!
The Hoeflinger Podcast
#4: Christie Hoeflinger - The Truth about Being a Young Parent
In this episode, Christie Hoeflinger shares the struggles, joys, and unexpected twists of becoming a young mother, from the moment she discovered she was pregnant to the transformative journey of raising her son, Archer, who recently turned 9 months old. Throughout the episode, Christie emphasizes the significance of having a strong support system when raising a child, particularly when navigating parenthood at a young age. Furthermore, Christie discusses how her mom, Dr. Cindy Hoeflinger, has provided her with unwavering support and guidance throughout the journey of becoming a mother and throughout her entire life.
In addition, Dr. Brian Hoeflinger shares his perspective on transitioning into the role of a first-time grandpa. He sheds light on the unique dynamics of this new chapter in his life. Likewise, Kevin Hoeflinger offers his insights as a first-time uncle, reflecting on the joys and responsibilities that come with welcoming a new member into the family.
Join us as we listen to Christie's narrative unfold, offering an intimate look at the remarkable journey of a young mother. Through Christie's eyes, we gain a deeper understanding of the challenges and triumphs that shape her world, and the unwavering love that fuels her every step.
Tune in every week for new episodes of The Hoeflinger Podcast with Dr. Brian Hoeflinger and Kevin Hoeflinger.
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All right, welcome back to the Helpful in your Podcast we're on to.
Speaker 2:Podcast number four. Episode four. We've got a great episode tonight. Got my daughter Christy who's going to be the special guest.
Speaker 1:Hello Yep. So, Christy, why don't we start? Why don't you tell everyone a little bit about yourself?
Speaker 3:OK, I'm Christy. I am his daughter, his sister. I'm 21 years old, almost 22. I am a student or I will be a student again here soon and I have a new baby who's nine months old today, and I don't know. I just want to join them and talk about some stuff, but I'm a lot more like my mom than them. I think they're more similar and I'm more like my mom.
Speaker 1:So I think people who've seen Dad's social media have all seen Archery. But, Archery's a very cute my math music very cute baby so why don't you tell people?
Speaker 2:we're very honest in this family, so nothing to hide. So why don't you tell people a little bit about your journey of becoming pregnant? Because I first remember when we found out that Christy was pregnant. It's quite a surprise to us, but maybe we'll let her tell how that evolved and what it's been like.
Speaker 3:Ok, yeah, I think there's a lot of stigma around people getting pregnant accidentally or as a young woman or not married. But I was dating my boyfriend who's now my fiance at the time and I was living in a different state and I decided to move home and come back with my parents. I got really, really sick about a month after I moved home. I went to the hospital and then they said you're pregnant Because I took a urine thing or whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Or urine sample.
Speaker 2:Because Christy was throwing up. We cannot figure out why she's throwing up. I was really, really sick, so we finally took an emergency apartment because we didn't know what else to do.
Speaker 3:Yeah. And then, well, she was like, actually the doctor said and she ended up being my doctor throughout my whole pregnancy. But she was like, do you know that you're pregnant? And I said no, I looked at her crazy and I was laughing. And then my parents were in the emergency room waiting room or my room, whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah. When I walked back and I walked back into the doctor's room and she said do you want to tell her?
Speaker 3:Yeah, did I tell you.
Speaker 2:No, she said do you want me to tell him or do you want to tell him? So then we knew. When I said you said you're pregnant oh.
Speaker 3:OK, I don't remember. I remember, like, was I laughing or was I not?
Speaker 2:I don't think you were laughing, because if you were, I mean Christy was a big mistake Because I think she was scared of what we would think of her not being married and having a baby. And we at first I think my wife and I were a little bit scared, maybe a little bit disappointed, but once we heard the baby's heartbeat in the emergency part when they brought the ultrasound in, we just knew that was something that she shouldn't even consider having abortion, although- I did consider having an abortion.
Speaker 3:I'm not trying to get political, but I just I believe in abortion in certain circumstances. So I did consider I actually was going to have an abortion. And then the night before I was in my room and my boyfriend was in a different state. He didn't know, I didn't tell him. But I was in my room and I was just thinking and I was like see, this ties in with my mental health stuff. I have a lot of I've had different mental health struggles. I'm a big advocate for talking about mental health and I was just out of my room and I was like maybe this is the thing that's going to change my whole life around. Not that you should live for someone else or your kid or anything. You should live for yourself and everything and work hard for yourself. But I was like maybe this will give me the purpose I've been looking for, or I don't know. I just had a feeling that was like I shouldn't.
Speaker 1:I mean, I would say it has too, and I think it's changed you and Hayden Hayden's her fiance you guys have made a very positive turn in your lives. So even if sometimes that is a catalyst not to seek that out, but if you use it, if you use moments in your life to change your life Well, and I think it's turned into now.
Speaker 3:I have my own joy, aside from my son and aside from Hayden. That's just myself and I have my hobbies and things that I enjoy, so I found myself through him, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:And I also think that you thought we wanted you to have an abortion, and I think you're feeling pressured like that, and then mom and I had said, christy, we would never want you to have an abortion I think it just all came together. And when you look back now, Archie's nine months old today and he's been the biggest joy. He's his own personality. Now you can't imagine life without him. It's like to think that you would think about taking that life away.
Speaker 3:that would have never been here. Well, and I think it was also. I think I believe that it would be so hard, which has been, but I think living with my parents and having a kid, and what would people think of me, even though I'm around?
Speaker 1:Definitely a lot of things, but you know what I mean being judged.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and how am I supposed to raise a kid when I'm still living in my parents' house? That's like I don't know. The limbs are hurt, but I don't know. That's just what went through my mind.
Speaker 1:Also, it's very quick.
Speaker 2:You find out and you only have a certain window of being able to do it, so you can't really think things out One hormones you can be scared, but you know, I mean life's not perfect, life's never perfect, and so you just do the best you can and I think it's worked out pretty well. Well, yeah.
Speaker 3:And now that I think back, I don't think I never sit here and think what is so-and-so for high school to think of me.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean.
Speaker 3:I don't care what people think, because I have a very happy and healthy baby and he has a lot of people that love and support him and so.
Speaker 2:So tell people about your future plans, Like so now you've been a mother for nine months and we can talk a little bit about what's to be a mother and the challenges of being a mother, and also what are your plans for the future, Because you've got plans now.
Speaker 3:So I mean the biggest. So I grew up like I don't really like kids. I'll say it no, that's not me.
Speaker 2:And people can have their opinions.
Speaker 3:I don't really love kids but I love my kids. But I think I just get overwhelmed with like how kids or how babies are, because I didn't know anything about babies and they obviously don't understand anything, so you can't get mad at them, but it's like a whole new world to me, whereas my fiance he had younger siblings, like four of them, and kind of helped raise them. So I think I get really overwhelmed and like overstimulated with the crying and the freaking out and he arches his back and just. I guess the other hard thing would be just like managing everything. I remember like freshman year at college that was hard, trying to like prioritize things and manage your time and now like it's even harder and I was working for a little bit but now I'll be going to school.
Speaker 3:So, into my future plans, for a while I wanted to go to become a veterinarian and I wanted to go to vet school. But now, just with having Archie, it's not like I'm giving up on my dreams, it's just I'm kind of shifting them to something that I think makes more sense with me and my goals and Payton and my family. So I want to go be an occupational therapist after college and get like a doctor in occupational therapy and do that. And I think that really is a cool line of work for me, just because it kind of ties in with, like my dad being like a neurosurgeon and my uncle, eric, who had a really severe brain injury. So occupational therapists help with like people who had TBIs or strokes, or disabled children, children with autism, like help them do everyday tasks like buttoning their shirt or getting their silverware out of the drawer. So I think like it's a very overlooked field so I would go into that.
Speaker 2:And your thoughts like what are your thoughts on the family? Like you know, like I know how I feel about our family and how I wanted I mean I think you know Cindy's given up a lot of her career for it to take care of the children and let me be the lead role and it's worked out. But how do you feel about how you want your role to be as a mother or a worker, or how do you set your family up?
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think I'm very much like independent woman, like I don't believe in like a man overpowering you or anything like that, but I believe in like the nuclear family, and it's not so much that I feel like I'm giving up my dreams, so like my fiance is going to school and he wants to eventually go to med school, and I just was thinking like I don't want to spoke to be going on these really long career paths and not being there, and so, as a woman who is the mother and is having the children because I eventually want to have more children it just makes sense for me to pick maybe not so long of a career path which it's so long because I have to finish college. But that's what I want. It's like, yeah, I mean, there's a part of me that would always think like, oh, what if I would have became a vet, but also I had a child and so that kind of changed a lot of things, which is OK. But yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:So sorry, Cam, If I had a couple questions for Chris. Yeah, so I'm curious, like so how has RT changed your life, do you think? And to any women out there who may be pregnant now and maybe are single and really thinking about what to do, how's it changed?
Speaker 3:Are you young?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm young mothers. What would you say to young mothers?
Speaker 3:Yeah, and so like me and my now fiance at the time, like me being pregnant and at some point in my pregnancy which we're very transparent about this but we weren't together, we weren't getting along and there was just some issues, and so that fear definitely creeped up in me, like how am I ever going to do this, like alone, and like not have a partner, Just like I know I would have my parents, but it's different than you know and I was like how would I do that? Or like would I, would I ever be able to be in a relationship again? But okay, then fast forward, I'm with my fiance, who is my child's dad. So so now, what Archie means to me, or like what he's done for me, I think the biggest thing is like I used to take things very, very seriously or like blow things out of perspective. I don't know how to say it, but like yeah, I just think that with him it's like I always think like situations could be worse or circumstances could be worse. So I'm very grateful for what I have and for Archie and you know, even when he's getting really upset and screaming and I like want to pull my hair out, I'm just like thankful at the end of the day, that he has like a roof under his head and has all the support and love around him.
Speaker 3:And as far as like single moms, I can't like totally really because I'm not, but I think definitely you need to have that support system of like at least family and everything, Because I do believe like just your family alone like can help raise a kid with you and does take a village to raise a child, but like you don't need at the end of the day, yes, it's a want to have a partner and everything, but you don't need that. I mean I think if I needed to, I would be strong enough to do it on my own. So I don't know. Yeah, you really just have to evaluate like what's best for you and your interests and you know people place their like young moms place their children for adoption and I've seen a couple podcasts or stories of women who did that and it was like the best choice for them Because they know that like they and their child had a better life. That's really crossed my mind. But again, I had the support and I knew that Archie would be well taken care of.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what do you think to? What do you think's been like the toughest part, like the first nine months of figuring stuff out? I mean, archie's had a decent amount of issues as well.
Speaker 2:Was it changing diapers or medical issues?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's not the worst I remember when she first month changed her first diaper because we were changing and she goes I can't do this, I can't change diapers.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because I get over, but you can very quickly. Yeah, but.
Speaker 2:I didn't.
Speaker 3:I never choose a diaper. I didn't know any of all that. And I see sections like the first couple of days or weeks or whatever after, like I couldn't even bend over the changes diaper because I hurt so bad and also I don't want to get around that poop. But I've gotten over that. So I'd say the hardest would be like health things. He was super callicky, which I didn't even know was a thing until I had him, and so basically he would just scream all the time up until like 12 weeks old. And I told my dad one day I was like I cannot do this, like my like I don't know. Just something about that like it makes you go crazy. You do just have to set them in their crib and let them cry because if you don't like your, it's just you can't. I don't know it was. It was hard and I think I called you a lot during those.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but they don't lie. In the beginning I my life and I think we helped out a lot and we help out at night and take Archie. But I think you guys have done a great job.
Speaker 3:Now that they think a funny thing that I always think of is he was watching Archie on time like at like 4am when he was really little so I can get some sleep. And no, he was sitting down in the living room and I looked at him and I was like, dad, how do you stay awake? Like, how do you like keep your eyes open? And he was like you just do it. And I just thought it was just always funny to me because, like, obviously that's going back to like his residency and becoming a neurosurgeon. But I was like I was so tired. I was like how do you just stay awake? Like that was a really hard thing for me was staying awake to because I was breastfeeding try to breastfeed him and I would fall asleep. I couldn't stay awake.
Speaker 1:Okay, that's another good thing. I know some people that friends that are eventually going to have kids here in the next six to eight months, but I feel like every like woman at first starts by saying they want to breastfeed as long as they can, and then, once that actually I know you said that too and then it becomes way, way harder.
Speaker 3:Yeah, in reality, I mean there's just change and I mean there's also a huge thing that I'll say. First, where, like people on the internet are like I'm tick tock, there's girls and they're like you have to breastfeed.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It's like no, you don't, If you don't, if you don't want to, if you can't like, if you want to just do formula like, that's fine.
Speaker 2:But I don't know.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I had something about it that I wanted to breastfeed or try to, and like everything went well in the beginning and then, like all this woman stuff, you have to wait for the milk to come in. But I was like I didn't want to have formula, like I really, really wanted to try as a goal of mine. And then eventually, like we really got the hang of it and then the doctor said he had the milk protein allergy and just ended. But you were exhausted, you were up every day, you couldn't get sleep.
Speaker 2:I remember those days and you said I can't sleep. He wakes me up every two minutes. He wants to feed.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, yeah, it's hard and like I can't. I mean, he's nine months now and I can't really like imagine even him breastfeeding at like six months, because like he's almost too alert that it would freak me out. But yeah, no, it was hard. Me and my mom, like the second night, were like scrambling, trying to get the stupid pump up, like together, and like we were like deprived of sleep. I was having a mental breakdown. I was like I can't do this.
Speaker 3:And I will mention one thing like for any other moms or young moms out there, like the first couple of days after like I said, I cannot do this multiple times Like I broke down and looked at my mom and was like I don't know what, like we're going to do with him, but he's got us to go back to the hospital. Or like I really I really was like I can't do this and I I lost my mom's like and she's like you're fine, and those first days really dragged on. So like my birth experience and like postpartum experience was not all heaven and like beautiful and everything, like I didn't come home to my husband.
Speaker 1:And it's not somewhat typical, though, that that people are like yeah, but I think there's just postpartum depression or anxiety.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which I?
Speaker 3:didn't have like depression. I had probably anxiety, but but I think, especially when I see girls on tiktok, like it's all, like here's my vlog and I'm getting ready and putting makeup on to get out of the hospital and blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:It's quite different. I mean, you have to think with anything, just like someone traveling or people's everyday life, what you put on social media is going to be the glorified version. It's not going to be the real version. For a lot of times people aren't going to put people don't put themselves breaking down and crying.
Speaker 2:Well, it's true, they should.
Speaker 1:Well, even if there are people that do that, it's a much smaller percent. You're going to see much more likely to see the goods and all the positives, because I mean, and all of that.
Speaker 3:So I was just saying it's good, it's okay to break down and I was very hormonal. It's okay to like lose it.
Speaker 1:Well, that adds to the joy, to the more you experience the negative, the more you experience the positive, it's more worth it. Rewarding.
Speaker 2:Well, it has been fun to watch him grow. I mean all his milestones First the walk crawling, Now he's starting to walk with the rolling walker.
Speaker 3:Well, even like you put on a TikTok one time and you showed the difference between six weeks of him sitting up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 3:And now he's just like a little man and he's like an old person and he knows what's going on.
Speaker 1:You can call his name. Yeah, he knows his name.
Speaker 3:He recently started to like if he sees if he's talking to a stranger and they're looking at him like hi, he puts his head like on the shoulder. And so it's a really nice feeling to like feel so loved and needed which, like I know, other people love me and stuff but it's a really rewarding thing. I mean just seeing him grow up and like we were so excited when he rolled over for the first time and started crawling and now.
Speaker 1:We're just waiting for him to walk fully. I think it's so cool how, like kids learning, they're so enthusiastic about the world. It's when he's smiling or laughing about things.
Speaker 3:So Well, I talked to Julia quite a bit like for like the neuroscience.
Speaker 2:So Julia's, julia's, her sister, obviously yeah, she lives in London.
Speaker 3:So Julia's my sister. She lives in London, she graduated with a neuroscience degree and so we actually talk a lot about like cause I'll always text her and I'll be like kids are so crazy, like the way that they do things and like he mirrors people or like the way that he just he learned how to clap.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he'll sit there and go yeah he'll go like this and I think it's honestly because he watches Ms Rachel all day and she's clapping, so it's just cool. And now he's saying mama and dad, so it's really cool to see, like how they can literally just pick up on things because of who they're around. And that makes me think of, like, how important is to like the example you set and you know what I mean Like they're, they're so what's the word?
Speaker 2:Sponges. They absorb everything that you do, so you gotta watch out what you do.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah so it's cool.
Speaker 1:What do you think about? Cause now the prevalence is crazy of like on YouTube and TikTok and everything Things, channels like Ms Rachel or Cocoa Melon they're these huge things and geared towards childhood learning. Do you have any thoughts on? Like when Archer watches that, like the between the educational aspect versus getting a lot of screen time when they're young?
Speaker 3:So when I was pregnant or at some point, I think, maybe when he was just a little baby, me and Hayden, my boyfriend, were like we're not going to let him be an iPad baby, like he has to go outside and play with rocks and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But then, like in those first couple of weeks or first couple months, it was like I'd sit him in front of the TV with the dancing fruit. It's like a sensory video and they just watch it, cause then you can just get him to like chill and focus on something and not cry. And now, with Ms Rachel, it's like that's his little routine in the morning, so that I can set him in his bouncer and he watches and then I can like do some dishes or like I think it's just I do it a lot of the time for like convenience, so I can get some done, but I don't think it's bad.
Speaker 2:Like when I was getting ready to go to work early tomorrow because he gets up so early with Hayden and she turned out, Ms Rachel. It's very educational, I mean she, she does good things that teach us colors and numbers and animals and all kinds of stuff that you need to learn, and she does a great job with it. So I don't it's not like just watching you know animated things just bouncing around. It was actually she teaches, I don't know. I think it's pretty good.
Speaker 2:I don't mind that he's watching it all the time because he's absorbing things, he's learning animals and numbers and she, she and she teaches how to pronounce words and just stuff like that, and I'm sure there's a lot of shows like that, but I mean a lot of different colors and obviously they change things constantly, so it keeps her attention. But there there are there are studies that are out that about screen time in early childhood. So but the studies.
Speaker 1:The studies are that too much screen time is negatively impacts children.
Speaker 2:What negatively impacts us too, but in what way? Yes, like what way does it? Is it their eyes or I?
Speaker 1:mean? What is it? Blue light Probably there was reliance on it too. There's some.
Speaker 2:Yeah, maybe reliance will they do yeah.
Speaker 1:I mean so, but I think it's especially under two years old. But I mean, like Chris, just like you said, I think. No, I think I mean, but again, everyone has the best of intent. It's just like I'm I'm going to breastfeed until they're a year old or I'm going to. They're not going to watch any TV or do any, they're going to only do great things and then, when the reality of life sets in, ultimately we've survived hundreds, thousands of years as a species and beyond when we've evolved. Obviously none of this stuff is going to like. Is the end all be all terrible for you. It's just all things to like, like, consider. So it's just stuff that I see too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I think that's a good point because, like when I was pregnant, I had all these things that I like was going to do and like, okay, you remember this, I bought this little pacifier sterilizer and so you put it on like this little gadget and put the pacifier in and sterilize it. My dad was like you're not going to use that.
Speaker 2:You're just like when you guys were little, like pacifiers no, like when we put it, brian, or all of a sudden, whenever they would drop on the floor, we'd watch it off, sterilize it. Then with Kevin, we would do it a little bit by time.
Speaker 1:Christy was born and then the thing would drop on the ground and we just put it back in her mouth. You're getting dirty. You're getting dirty. No, but it's true, because I've never once I got it.
Speaker 3:I'm a baby shower and I've never once touched that thing because I literally just pick up the pacifier and just like wipe it off with a baby wipe and maybe just take the hair off.
Speaker 2:I mean it's. It's just one of those things kids are too fast.
Speaker 3:You can't. There's all these gadgets that come up with. Things happen too fast. It took me like two months to set up his baby monitor because I just couldn't figure out how to do it. That's just real life. Yeah, but it was different.
Speaker 2:There are people who will religiously, you know clean it and everything, and so you just have to do what you're comfortable with. I just think as you have more time with your child and more kids, you'll find that you don't do as well.
Speaker 1:You have to use the end of the day, when it's your child you get to make the ultimate decisions on obviously to an extent, but on things like that it all comes down to there's no concrete answers, what's right or wrong at all. I mean, that's even at any age, is there's always debates on what's best for different people.
Speaker 2:But the thing that's scary now is watching the other day. You know he's learning how to open cupboards and things like that that low ones and so the other day is hands on top of the cupboard and you know his body was getting ready to fall and it was slammed his fingers in. So I pulled him back because I would have to be there. That's the stuff you got to really watch out with your kids because they're always going to when they're pushing that little walk around. If he falls sideways and hits his head on the corner of the table or, like our little stone fireplace.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's just constant.
Speaker 2:You got to watch them.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah, we have a baby pen that we put him in, but he doesn't like it.
Speaker 1:He's not like the baby pen.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean yeah, even like when he gets too close to the stairs. What if he just fumbled all the way down?
Speaker 1:I'm excited for him to start talking more. He seems like he wants to talk. He's just like we'll say like blah blah, blah, blah, so that, and then fully walking by himself. But I'm very curious to see how fast it progresses once he starts saying words, when he kind of is a little bit more cognitive, of like reading one of those little picture books and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:So yeah, so has it been a challenge living with us like living with your parents. Do you feel like you have a privacy?
Speaker 3:Also a little bit. I mean it's been challenged, but also like it's been a big help and I wouldn't necessarily want to not be here because of the help with Archie and just like the support.
Speaker 1:I'm a strong supporter.
Speaker 3:Because, even if well, no, because, even though Kevin does something when he's talking right now, Kevin does more than does no, Kevin does more than does.
Speaker 3:Well, even if I'm just watching Archie by myself and like they're not necessarily watching him, like it's still nice to hear other voices around. Because I remember I went crazy the first couple of weeks before I got a job, or a couple months, because I was just like I'm with this thing all day and it doesn't talk to me, it doesn't speak English, it just cries. Sorry, he just cries. I just have to clean him and get the poopy diapers, and so I was like I needed that human like speak to a person. So that's where it's really nice, and I love my family, so it's just nice to be able to have that company. It can be challenging, though, sometime, just because I think me and my mom, we all kind of butt heads a little bit.
Speaker 3:It's always been like that. So I mean that can be challenging. But also I mean, yeah, privacy-wise it's like it's me, my fiance, my baby just hanging around, but I mean I think everyone respects each other's privacy and like it's not like we're living in a super small space, so we kind of all have our areas and so, yeah, I think it's worked out well. I mean, it's been an adjustment.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's pretty good. What do you think now that you're a first time grandparent? What's your experience been like?
Speaker 2:It's different than being a dad, because when you're the dad, you're completely responsible. You have to do all the things they're doing on me out. I once changed the diapers early on. I haven't changed the diaper in a long time because they changed all the diapers. And it's nice to play with Archie and get time with him, but then, when that time's over, you can just pass them off to.
Speaker 1:Chris Derhey, I agree.
Speaker 2:So it's a different type of enjoyment, and I had four kids and I don't know if I'd want to go back to that level where I have to be completely responsible to somebody all the time, because it is taxing, time consuming, as Christy's learning. When you're in charge of another life, it really weighs on you because that life is more precious than your life. I mean that life becomes more precious than your life, and so there is a certain amount of stress that goes along with that, that obviously I feel that way about him and not like a mother or a dad will ever feel like it. So they're in that stage now where they have to really watch him and be worried about everything he does, and the littlest things can scare you to death because you think something's wrong, and so it's just different. I mean it's great being a grandfather, because you have the best of both worlds.
Speaker 3:Well, I think that's when I decided to keep him and have him. I think that was a discussion I had in your guys' room, like I mean, obviously, yes, I will need your support, but I don't want you guys to give up your lives, or like wait actually it was a conversation you wanted to.
Speaker 2:let me have a mom.
Speaker 3:No, no, I know that, but I was talking. You were there, probably sleeping. I was talking to my mom and we were talking about taking an archer to Daycan. She was like no, I can just watch him, because I was going to get a job again. And I was like, no, because I don't want you to give up your life. Like you already had all your kids and raised your kids and you're like older now. Sorry, I was going to expose her age, ok, but anyway, so she it's just not, she doesn't need to do that again and I didn't want her giving up all her time and energy to watch him while I go work or go to school. That's just my own. Like that would have just weighed heavy on me. Like she deserves to golf and do what she wants to do now. She did all her work with us, which she still continues to do, actually, for me and Julie.
Speaker 2:What's it like being an uncle?
Speaker 1:I would say I was gonna say the same thing you said about being a grandparent I get to do all the. I'm gonna have kids one day as well, but for now, you get to do all the fun aspects, like playing with our children. I love kids. I'm different than Christie, but I just like kids.
Speaker 2:It's not that Christie doesn't like kids.
Speaker 1:Well, no, I mean, that's what those were. Her own work, I mean even regardless.
Speaker 2:I like some of them, but I don't like.
Speaker 1:I got like my girlfriend's cousin kids too. She's like too.
Speaker 3:I like her.
Speaker 1:But I mean, I just enjoy kids. They're very malleable, they're so happy they have such a child like wonder, but they don't have like a bad bone in their body and so I love that aspect and you know we help out sometimes, but for the most part, what do I have?
Speaker 3:No, I know I'm sorry, it means not my response but I mean, I'm excited to teach him.
Speaker 1:I wanna teach him stuff too, as he gets cried. I wanna teach him chess, some sports. Wait to read some books. So I'm excited for all that. You get to do all those things and then the day you get to try to give positive attributes to a young person and just assist in whatever way you can. So I think it's cool that in our scenario I get to be cause a lot of people I feel like you're an aunt or uncle, like they jewelry. I feel like that's somewhat typical.
Speaker 3:You don't really get to see your nephew very often yeah, yeah, especially if you lived far away or had like-.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you miss all that stuff. Yeah, that's how it is with Hayden's family.
Speaker 3:Like my fiance's family lives in Indianapolis and we drive out there every now and then, but like every time we come, archer has already made 10 new steps, so he's so different every time they see him. But yeah, so-.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can't so I, since I'm used to this, this time around is the first time like having a younger kid. That's like that I'm cognizant of like growing up Cause. I was like four or five years older than you and we were growing up that I wasn't cognizant of that. So seeing all of that happen, it is rather wild how kids grow Cause time just goes by so fast, and so it's cool to get to see that and experience it. So I've been-. Wait, I have a question for you.
Speaker 3:And also I want to take back my comment about the kids. I actually I like certain ones I babysat a lot in high school.
Speaker 3:I had one family who I adored those kids it was actually one of your coworkers kids, I love those kids, they're so cool, so I take that back. But okay, my question was I want to like rewind back to when I decided to have a C-section and like how you guys felt about that, because they didn't expect that at all. So I got induced at 39 weeks because I just was over it.
Speaker 2:Well, tell me what. Yeah, so she had-.
Speaker 3:I had hyper-emus gravidarium.
Speaker 2:Which means you're just. She was constantly throwing up every day. She had to be hospitalized.
Speaker 3:I had to be hospitalized and I had a catheter Multiple times. Yeah, I had a catheter in my arm and I literally gave myself a bag of fluid every night and I had my little. Iv pole that I'd carry around, so I suck at it. Yeah, so it was bad this went on for months.
Speaker 2:It was really bad.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I couldn't like go anywhere, so I think you were over it. I miss Easter.
Speaker 2:There are a lot of things. So yeah, so you were in the hospital. You weren't progressing right.
Speaker 3:They induced you, yeah, so they induced me, nothing was progressing. Like they would check me and say like oh, you're one centimeter dilated, and then, like, by the fourth check, they're like you're actually not dilated, like at all. So nothing was progressing. And so my doctor sent me down and me, my mom and Hayden the only ones in the room at this point and this was on the 24th, this was- on Thanksgiving morning.
Speaker 3:Yeah this was on Thanksgiving morning. My doctor came in early in the morning and said we have four options, like one more pertussin. Two go home and come back, which I was like no. Three do some type of painful something and then four Don't strip your membrane, no.
Speaker 2:or like fully evolved, which is like mechanically dilates you.
Speaker 3:And I didn't have like any. I didn't have like epidural, but I had had false labor contractions and they hurt really bad. So I was like I just can't keep doing whatever's happening. And then her last option was have a C-section. And I just I, my mom and Hayden were out of the room because I asked them to go out and I just spoke right there with my doctor and I was like, honestly, is this bad if I just want to have a C-section? And she was like no, we can do it in the next 30 minutes and this is how we'll go blah, blah, blah. And then after that everything went very fast and so like, how did you? What happened on your guys's end?
Speaker 2:Well, first of all, I think that's when I realized Christy was finally an adult, cause she made this huge decision to have a C-section, which I would have told her to probably go home for a little more time. I think mom was saying the same thing. But I was very proud of you to make a decision like that on your own, without any of our input. First time I've really seen you do that, and it was a good decision. I mean, your C-section went fine. And you would ask what did you ask?
Speaker 3:for.
Speaker 1:What did you?
Speaker 3:experience Like when mom, like, did mom call you and say you were having a C-section, or like what?
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, mom said that she's decided to have a C-section, which I said, wow, I mean, cause that's an evasive procedure. So I mean I wasn't for it, but it's not, it wasn't my decision, right? So but it went really smooth.
Speaker 1:Well, cause I think you were scared right Too if you sat there I mean cause you know other people and other things happened, being at the hospital or going home and just waiting all that time and then eventually, because of your safety, you ended up having to get a C-section, cause I bet you were thinking about that. Yeah, I thought about that too.
Speaker 3:I was like whatever, I went home and I just ended up having it anyways. There were a lot of thoughts that went through my mind. I think that's another thing that stigmatized, like getting electively induced or electively having a C-section People freak on. They're like that's not natural, that's not your body's way, your body was not ready. I'm like I don't care, because I personally was and honestly, my C-section was wonderful, like the actual part of him being born, because I couldn't feel anything and it was just a happiness.
Speaker 2:I was surprised that, how I was surprised that, how yeah.
Speaker 3:Hayden was back there. It was beautiful Like nothing was exposed, I mean maybe.
Speaker 1:I was surprised at how quick like the C-sections are so quick. It was only like a 10 minute procedure, right.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but then they have to start over.
Speaker 1:Probably longer, like the team came back out. So the team that was there on Thanksgiving before they went back to do surgery, the team were in the lobby. They came and said something to all of us and then they came back out like 10, 15 minutes later and said that it was successful.
Speaker 2:That he was using.
Speaker 1:This is closing updates, but then all the rest of the stuff. So I'm saying it was so quick.
Speaker 3:So, yeah, I think between them making the first cut and him being pulled out was seven minutes. But then they have to like you know, do all the stuff on me. But no, I was just curious, Like what was your first like impression when, like well, when they came out, did they tell you, as a boy, did they tell you anything? Or they waited?
Speaker 2:they way. I think they're waiting for you to tell, so they did not tell us well, because I was just.
Speaker 3:I was just wondering like we didn't know. I know we didn't know, but I asked like were these doctors that you knew or had worked with?
Speaker 2:no, I didn't. I didn't know because it's it was different.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was different but okay, then my question is what was like your first, like feeling when you saw him, or like Archie?
Speaker 2:I was happy for you and Hayden and I was. You know it was a, I was a thing. What a wonderful life to come in that you decided to keep the baby and have Archie. And now it's like you look at him and you're thinking, god, maybe he may not been here, for a different decision was made. I'm thinking he's so special and such a good little boy. I mean, you just can't imagine life without him now. So so probably what I thought right away is that I'm so happy that he's here and he's healthy. The the main thing you always think. When I thought all my kids to, first thing you ask is there any defects? Is he healthy?
Speaker 2:that's the most important thing, because obviously it's devastating to parent if they have a child that has some kind of abnormality or defect, and so first thing was he's nice and healthy and everything, and then secondly was yet everything went well with you and you were doing well. So those, that's all you can ask for the first thing.
Speaker 3:Actually, I remember the very first thing you did when you came out to me he checked his font to know his soft spot. That's what that's funny.
Speaker 2:No, because as a research, research and that's all we would do is, you know, because we get called upon people who have hydrocephalus, which is fluid buildup in the brain, and neonates and newborns, and so the way you feel, as you feel the soft spot, and if it's should be slightly sunken and pulsing. If it is, it means it's normal. But you know, kids that have hydrocephalus can have this bulging soft spot. That's firm.
Speaker 3:So I just had that so I just thought it was funny, because obviously other people whose parents aren't doctors wouldn't have it.
Speaker 1:No, I wouldn't know what it is. He was just tiny, though, and like really tiny when babies are first born is crazy.
Speaker 2:He had the stork bites all over him.
Speaker 1:But I just think, like holding him for the first time, just pure joy, but also it's just like that. He's like 100%, this little tiny human. Really like moving yeah 100% reliant on all of us for survival and well-being. I don't know that's a cool. I thought it was cool. It was Thanksgiving. We were all just in the hospital room. Then we went to the store after like later that day and got snacks and we're all just chilling.
Speaker 3:Yeah a hospital Thanksgiving spread.
Speaker 1:It was a unique Thanksgiving. I thought it was cool. It was more than.
Speaker 3:Thanksgiving. Yeah, I think it's cool too.
Speaker 2:Is that part of the reason why you did the C-section? Because it was Thanksgiving?
Speaker 3:No, my dude, it was the 29. That wasn't why I was just like. I can't think of anything worse than going home after I went through all this false labor and was there for so long or having more painful things happening.
Speaker 1:And with your mental just like mentally like if you, if you thought about it and you've like already, like, oh, I'm here, I'm doing this, like we're getting it done.
Speaker 3:I have just really bad anxiety. So I think I was freaking out. I was like, okay, what if the Potosin like too much gets to him? And because I've read some stuff or whatever, like two babies getting too much Potosin, I just don't want like to get a ton of drugs and like just keep going and going and going and like put my body through it and like I was just over it.
Speaker 1:Mothers and twins Like.
Speaker 3:I was with most of them.
Speaker 2:So your mom will probably watch this podcast, because she's not here, because she fell asleep upstairs, to be honest. But what would you like to tell your mother about, just like what she meant to you during this process. Oh, yeah, well, my mom, she watches. Yeah, my mom.
Speaker 3:We fight a little bit. But like I honestly thought about that today, I was like I don't know or I've talked to Hayden before.
Speaker 3:I'm like she's super woman and like I don't know she's just like the best person ever and I'm not saying this to suck up, it's just like thinking of even before Archie, like everything she's been through with me and like you've been there too. But I'm really close with my mom and also my mom, like my dad, is the voice of reason, so I go to him when I need logic and reason and my mom's like the very comforting, like motherly figure and so I don't know, she just she's a lot of times in her life dropped everything for me or for my siblings, but a lot for me because I had a lot of things going on and like just those first couple weeks when he was born, like you helped out but, like she, one day it was like a couple weeks after he was born I got really sick with like the flu or something.
Speaker 3:My mom watched him for like 12 hours straight like in the middle night, like no sleep, like, and I just know I can't do that. And I told her like she's super woman because I could, I just don't think I could do that like Well because in the beginning so Hayden wasn't here for what the first week or so?
Speaker 2:Was it just a week ago? Maybe it was a long time yeah okay, it wasn't too long. It seemed longer.
Speaker 3:Maybe it was, yeah, it seemed longer, but I think it was just the first week or two.
Speaker 1:But yes, dr Cindy is, halflinger is a super woman.
Speaker 3:We love her mom. She's an MD, she is she's number one supporter.
Speaker 1:Good job. You know, someone commented. She said they said MD, phd, she's smarter than me. That's they actually do. We'll joke about that, but she will actually. She watched she. She'll claim that she was smarter than him and he had to study more than her.
Speaker 2:I think the problem is I had higher grades, at least I know on my. Some of my testing was higher when I scores are higher, but you know she would joke to you. I did study more than her.
Speaker 1:That's why my grades are higher. Well, you guys are just top students. That's not confirmed that he's a higher.
Speaker 2:I think it's confirmed. She'll say that Do you have a transfer? I don't, but I know I need my MCATs for a higher grade.
Speaker 1:But what were you gonna?
Speaker 3:say no, I was just saying you guys were just bickering at dinner over like the fascia versus something else, like they always have these little arguments about like medicine.
Speaker 2:I was doing and I'm dissecting down the neck and I was dissecting between the jugular vein and in the crowded artery and esophagus and she just said something. I said it's in the. That's not true, I mean.
Speaker 1:I was in there doing okay whatever.
Speaker 2:She goes well she says I do it. They're just not alive when I do it.
Speaker 1:But it's so, it's a little she, like you guys, just do our doing that, we're doing different things, but also she I mean she's got a ton of medical knowledge, so she I think that's her way of like she does miss it some.
Speaker 3:so, talking about medical stuff, well, it's crazy because it's like we know obviously dad is a surgeon, that's all we've ever known, but like it's crazy to think she was a medical doctor, but we didn't know that part of her you know. I mean we never experienced her working or going to a job or anything, so it's hard to think yeah, I mean she talks.
Speaker 1:I feel like she did.
Speaker 3:No, yeah, I mean you can tell she's smart. It's just it's hard to like grasp that like. Oh my gosh, she was a doctor like and went and did that all day, because we never think so yeah.
Speaker 2:Her mom did some really cool things. Yeah, we had to go to New York State to testify with a. You know all the time, not all the time. She's multiple times to testify, even front of juries, and she does a nice job.
Speaker 3:She doesn't let people intimidate her like she doesn't let people try to tell her, she's an old, just old, especially insurance companies.
Speaker 1:But you listen to episode two. I did an episode of my mom and episode two about her life so that if you're interested in more and we're gonna try to do more stuff with her about some forensic pathology and just her story, she's got a lot of cool stories.
Speaker 2:We'll do ones about neurosurgery too, but and then you gotta get Julie on, because Julie's really cool she was in London but she's really in the neuroscience, in the brain, and she's very good at talking about the brain very simplistic terms. She knows all the latest studies but she can make it so you can understand it. I mean, she really needs stuff she's doing, so I'm anxious to have her on at some point.
Speaker 1:We will, she's got schedule at times and she's five hours ahead of us.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we can do that.
Speaker 2:She just got a part-time job with the Daily.
Speaker 3:Mail right New Scientist.
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 1:New Scientist what?
Speaker 3:was there something with?
Speaker 2:Daily Mail too.
Speaker 1:It's in the same building.
Speaker 2:Oh, same building, because Daily Mail is like the largest, one of the largest news outlet things in the world. Right, it is yeah.
Speaker 1:Daily million? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I don't even know what to imagine.
Speaker 2:It is.
Speaker 1:But no, yeah, so she's got that and we will. And, as always, just let us know any topics we're going to. We switch to the round. I think next week we're going to do the episode on grief and we'll do. We're going to do the four of us myself, my dad, Christy and my mom. So we've got that one queued up. We want to talk about oh, no, sorry.
Speaker 1:We'll have to. We'll have to figure out how to different set up, but we definitely want to talk about grief and just how each of us has dealt with it, how it's affected us as a family, changed our relationship, and I think a big I mean grief is such a common thing because you know, the more people talk to everybody, everybody has something in their life.
Speaker 2:That's a problem. I mean, everybody has struggles that you don't know about and you know people. Often you see them and wherever you see them, like you say hi to somebody, I can be walking the hospital say hi to somebody unless how you doing oh, I'm doing great and they have something horrible happening at home. You know people cover up.
Speaker 2:People cover up their grief and their true feelings, so they don't want to bother people with it, but it's there, right. So I mean it's an important topic, that it's good to get stuff out and talk to people about it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think grief and just mental health in general, all of that and sadness. Like you were saying, christy, earlier about destigmatizing different topics, it's super important. You just got to start with open on his conversations and I think we are, you know, do talk about that. So I think that's something very important that we could talk about.
Speaker 3:That has a meaning to it and like how it like changed the family unit or like I think next week also I had like a friend in college who passed away, a close friend, and so that was like you know it changes. You will encounter it many times in your life, not just with a family member, like with friends or pets, or you know. So it's like it's never something you can avoid, so it is a good topic to talk about, but so that's what's to come next week.
Speaker 1:So, and if you please comment with your thoughts with you, if you enjoyed the show, give us a rating on the podcast. Definitely, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's. I like seeing the ratings. I see people like what we're doing or not, is it boring or not? Are you watching the whole thing or just turning off after 10 minutes Because you know we're just rambling but we don't know if it's interesting to you guys or not. So so let us know and give us some feedback that good or bad?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so, as always, just more topics that you would be interested in, or we can try, I think, soon. What we want to do, too, is we're going to do a ask us anything episode, like a lot like a Q&A yeah, like maybe certain people. I'm not sure how we're going to select it, but just have people submit questions. They can't be about personal medical advice, but anything with us, our family, that's a good idea.
Speaker 1:Well, no, we can. Just we'll have them ahead of time and we can just go through them and talk about it?
Speaker 3:Yeah, because they could like do it in the YouTube comments or something.
Speaker 1:Well, we could have people submit. Well, we can just do something out.
Speaker 2:So we're on Facebook, instagram, tiktok and what's the other one, youtube, right? So any of those, we could put out a post that says give us all your questions you'd like for podcasts and then we could use you know.
Speaker 1:Well, just so what I'm saying, yeah, is that then there'll be tons of comments, so we're just selecting which one We'll try to choose like a common theme common or which ones.
Speaker 1:So I think we want to do something like that on a somewhat regular basis. I think that'd be a cool thing to throw in, because we all can answer different questions and we do the live videos at times. So I think that'd be cool because we can go in more depth on each question than you can like a short form video on TikTok and stuff like that. So, yeah, more that come. That's a wrap on this episode. I hope everyone has a great day yeah, thanks.
Speaker 3:Bye.
Speaker 2:Good work, Christy.
